Monday, September 7, 2009

Fathers Day

This is going to be a very heavy one folks, so by all means bail now & come back when you are in a strong state of mind. Please excuse the venting and if you are concerned by disclosure of personal information - Kindly F*ck off.

I was away for most of last week with work. I returned on Thursday a creased & salt encrusted bundle of sleep deprivation, hungering for my family & my bed. The Bobette had been home sick from school (minor Upper Respiratory Tract infection) and as I had been away & SWMBO had been in Brisneyland doing executive banking things we had parked The Bobette out at my parents. I knocked off on Thurs PM and rang mum to say I was on my way to get The Bobette. 5 minutes later I get a call from mums mobile, I assumed she wants me to pick up milk or papers or something on the way. I answered. All I can hear is mum weeping & The Bobette (with obvious terror in her voice) yelling 4,5,6,7,8,9,10 then I hear a tinny 3rd voice saying "you're doing great honey the ambulance is on it's way."

Ooh F*ck.

Then I hear mum say through sobs "It's your father, come as quick as you can."

My old 94 Hilux aint a high performance vehicle and I think I probably took five years off her life as I hit the afterburners and made the 20K trip to Mum & Dads in what at the same time felt like an hour but was probably record time.

I pulled up at their house & there is an Ambulance in the driveway. I sprint inside. The Bobette is obviously shattered, Mum is going to pieces & 2 Ambulance officers are working on my Dad who is flat on his back on the bedroom floor. They get me on CPR while they get lines in and intubate him. I'm on his chest counting out the compressions and I look down at his face. Big F*cking mistake as he looks completely f*cked. The Great & Powerful Bob Brain kicks in and says "He's not your Dad, he's just some old fat bastard you are helping." Possibly the most cellophane thin & transparent coping mechanism ever, but it kept me going.

We got him started again, the Packer Whacker* gave him 3 shocks and he's arching and twisting, has a bit of a spew, which clogs the intubation tube down his neck, but we've got him going. We load him onto a gurney, get him into the Ambulance and they take him off to hospital.

Was it an hour or was it 5 minutes I have no idea.

But here's what I do know.

My 15 year old daughter gave me back my Dad. She saved his F*cking life.

By the Ambulance logs she did unassisted CPR for at least 12.5 minutes effectively on her own. Mum was there but not helping as she was falling to pieces. Everyone, seriously everyone from triage nurses, cardiologist, to the Ambos - everyone has said that if she hadn't done what she did Dad would be in the morgue today. A Herculean effort. Unbelievable for one so young & so blond.

Now of course apart from her beauty, wit & grace (transparent arse covering) one of the things that most attracted me to SWMBO was her capacity to deal with a situation. She may do the girly tears & hand flapping later but in a jam she is calm together & capable. This is the first time The Bobette has demonstrated this capacity. And then some!

She is a Surf Lifesaver and had done a refresh on her CPR recently so it was all fresh in her mind, but with the Clubbies they are trained to operate as a team. The Bobette was flying solo.

She is quite understandably traumatised by the experience & we are taking advantage of all the school & surf club counselling staff & support.

So now dad is in a induced coma at the Prince Charles Hospital in Brisneyland. He has had 2 stents put in and is a long way from being fine. We may yet lose him & I accept that.

But I wanted to share how proud I am of my kid, and how not to spend fathers day - in an ICU stroking his hand hoping that the crotchety old bugger aint done yet.

Oh and I got a Play Station 3 combined fathers day & Birthday present.

* A Packer Whacker is Australian slang for a defibrillator. After Kerry Packer (Australia's richest man at the time) had a heart attack on the polo field & was restarted by one of the very few Defibs in NSW Ambulances, Big Kezza lashed out & bought one for every Ambulance in NSW - hence the name - a Packer Whacker.


  1. Holy crap that's a hell of a tough father's day.

    Well done to the Bobette, she has given you a hell of a father's day present!

    All the best to you and your family, I will be thinking of you all. Hope your Dad pulls through.

  2. That's a good kid you've raised there NBob. Might be capable of being a thermonuclear pain in the backside most of the day, but she came through for you in the end. All the best for your old man's recovery.

  3. Yes, Bob, We tend to knock kids because we concentrate on some dopes we see. Thanks for the story. It reminds us they are more likely do do what we do even if they don't always do as we say!

  4. Sounds to me the best Father's Day present you ever had, your child saving the life of your own dad, here's hoping your dad makes a full recovery.

    Gotta stop typing now, getting some dirt in my eyes.

  5. Oh Bob I am so very sorry. Amazing daughter you have there--and I really hope your father comes out of that coma and soon.

  6. Bloody hell. The daughter did a fine job. 12.1/2 minutes of CPR is a long time to be doing those compressions.

    Well done to her! Best wishes for your father-we'll pull for a good outcome!

  7. Best wishes for your Dad, you've got an amazing lass there too.

  8. thesilkster and i are thinking of you all. i have decided not to call and get info via fred because i don't want to clog up the lines. feel shit because we are so far away again and can't be there to help yet again.

  9. Thankyou all.

    Minor improvements for him & a crash course in emergency cardiology for the family. The shit the Hospital crews do do these days is amazing & more power to them. State of the art is an incredible thing.

    Aribear there is 2/5th of SFA I can do. But thanks for the love.

    I'm trying to be there for The Bobette & Mum & they are over 100 Km apart.

    Went into work & cleared my desk today, I'm good for at least 2 weeks.

  10. Mate..fuck me, thats a seriously tough fathers day....and I'll wager you are as proud as punch at what she did...Fuck I AM, I did laugh at the Blond ref though.

    whilst the old bastard is still fighting, the game is still on!. Hang tough.
    Best H

  11. Dammit! Why does your blog always eat my posts!
    Now I'm going to have to try to remember the wit filled comment I made yesterday.
    Bugger it.
    Way to go Bobette.
    Wonderwoman training bra for you girlfriend.

  12. Thanks all.
    Improvements continue.
    He's off the ventilator & breathing on his own.
    Sedation reduced so he's (more or less) back in the land of the living.
    Long road ahead, but one step at a time.

    Thanks for your prayers & blessings.

  13. Good to hear it Bob. We're thinking of you.

  14. 5 weeks since he dropped and improvements continue.
    He has had a snakes & ladders recouperation, up for days then slipping back, but overall he's on the mend. His rather unique sense of humour has returned.
    He's been transferred to a new ward where mobility & therapy are the order of the day. As such the nurse manager explained that all patients come to meals rather than having them served in bed. Dad replied "Do we dress for dinner?" Nurse glum replied "you'll already have clothes on."
    After returning from lunch he mentioned that the Zombiepocolypse could break out & noone would notice. He tried to enagage the 4 blokes @ his table in conversation, they just gummed their soup & shuffled back to bed, never raising their gaze above navel level.
    Pretty grim.

    He is a long way from recovered, but if he's penned up for much longer I suspect his sense of humour & tolerance for idiots will expire quickly. With unfornate consequences for him & those in the immediate blast radius.



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I was the proud recipient of the worlds first monkeys ass to human face transplant. Friends of the donor monkey says it took well, I'm not so sure.