Monday, December 21, 2009

4 minutes of a disturbed internal monologue

In a voice like a bison might have.

A young researcher isolates a new enzyme associated with antisocial and socially disruptive behavior. As a result of the very compound he isolates the young scientist officially publishes, describing it's make up and structure and as his is right he calls it Fuckwitylase.

Further study, by other researchers as he was undoubtedly sacked, shows that a: the most basic level of self control can moderate levels in the blood stream and some Buddhist monks can reduce their levels to undetectable & b: develops a reliable field test akin to Blood Alcohol Content devices currently on the market.

At first used in law enforcement. Speeding ticket? "Please just swab your mouth with this sir, hm that is 228 Parts per Million, less than proscribed 400ppm, so off you go sir and please slow down."

Then used in selection of politicians, Exec Office Holders & Officer recruitment in the armed forces.

Would this lead to the beige-ification of the said professions?

Would it result in such reduced risk taking behavior that society would stagnate?

Do men in need periods of insanity, frivolity, stupidity, caprice.


  1. If men do have moments of insanity, frivolity, stupidity and caprice then doesn't that make them by definition, um - women?

  2. Hughesy - maybe, but we need to have a Greek word for it to make it sound manly, and to make it smell of old cigars and coffee grounds.

  3. A few poorly-thought-through thinks about this:

    If it's an enzyme, and we know its structure, it follows that we can design small-molecule inhibitors of it, much as uni labs and big pharma do for cancer, HIV and other diseases. Result being a drug which can make you less of a fuckwit.

    However if the gene which encodes this enzyme is persisting in the population, it'd suggest that evolution is keeping it around for a reason, that it has some selective advantage. Presumably being a fuckwit (ie arrogance, obnoxiousness, ignorance of risk etc) was useful in, for instance, leading groups of people off the African plains, or colonizing new islands. What you've described isn't too far from the 'Warrior Gene' controversy which played out in the NZ media a few years back. Guy reckoned he'd identified the gene which made the Maori into (once were) warriors, colonizers of Polynesia, violent bastards when out on the piss etc. Problem was, not only was it dodgy from a social perspective, but it was shit science - ignoring the fact that genes are only ever part of the story and can't really be dissected away from environment, his genetic analysis was only done on something like 17 individuals, which is just bullshit. As such he rightly got a solid kicking and now has no career to speak of.

  4. Next time I'll spend a few minutes editing, sorry.

  5. I'm confused Bob. What ARE you talking about?

  6. GPA, I blogged a while back that my brain is a feckless & random thing over which I have a minimum of control. I was asked to illustrate it's entropy or degree of disorder. I've tried to think of examples to illustrate this and all were so disjointed and cryptic they would never bear transcribing to blog format.
    This was as close as I could type to an actual train of thought that would survive into text.
    It took about 4 minutes - a bit over one song.
    It came to me in a mournful herbivours voice with distinct cud chewing and whispy beard waggling - hence the bison reference, although truthfully it may have been a gnu or one of the other heavy antelope.
    The exercise was to get it down as quick as possible without embellishment or illumination.
    Hence the poor sentance structure.

    By the way your bloke is a god among men & I prostrate myself before him. As a humble public servant (see previous post) I'm well out of the income bracket of those that can afford such a beautiful and princely tome. If his printer managed to mangle the spine of any I'd love a copy to add to my squished Grants and my slightly offset Dakin. Ask him, I'm sure he'll recognise the names.

  7. Oh and Dr Yobbo. Double Plus Nice work with an elephant stamp.
    Would you recomend a Fuckwitylase re-uptake inhibitor, or more of a receptor blocking mechanism as a more profitable line of inquiry?

    I am particularly intrigued by the role it may have played in evolution. How would random acts of stupidity, particularly dangerous stupidity aid the survival of an individual or a small family group? hmm.
    Perhaps like an anti-Oxytocin? promoting bonding in a group of individuals by all agreeing what a wanker Ugg was for pulling that Sabre Toothed Tiger's tail.

  8. Dear Bob.
    Oh I get it now. I think.

    With regard to The Bloke, it is our job to keep him grounded, all that bobbing about on the crest of prostration will make him sea sick for sure.

    As a humble fisheries inspector guy, can't you get the government to buy you a copy of FOTOO, you know, as a very important tool in your line of work. The standard trade edition would do you proud.

    Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year

  9. The problem with medications, Nbob, is that people who need to take them often choose not to.

    Thus, given the current passion for tattooing, I'd go for compulsory stamping of carriers of this gene, on the forehead, with the warning 'Fuckwit'.

    Women have long campaigned for warning labels to be applied to fuckwits, dickheads and low life so that when drunk, one knows better than to have sex with one. Thus risking adding to the population, whether by genetics or environment.




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I was the proud recipient of the worlds first monkeys ass to human face transplant. Friends of the donor monkey says it took well, I'm not so sure.