Saturday, January 2, 2010


A Tourist.
We've all been one, even when six years old and not legally responsible, we were all at some stage a tourist. Visiting somewhere nice, playing, relaxing, dining & drinking. In the early twenties some of us found enlightenment, VDs and debt backpacking and justified it as a personal growth thing. Honeymooners, dirty weekenders both long married & illicit, from family camping holidays to highway Zed grey nomads people seem to like to get away from home. I heard once that popular (meaning middle class) tourism & holidaying was started by promotion for hotels on the English beachside towns, but thats not important right now.

Let me give you a local or resident perspective. FCK OFF You vulgar, brash, insensitive, ignorant, unpleasant and otherwise inconsiderately occupying my valuable reality, parking, shop & highway bastards.

One bloke (25, sombrero, sunnies, Aussie flag boardies, zinc & a shit eating grin) yesterday was being towed by a boat on a plastic blow-molded kayak while pretending to paddle with an esky between his knees at a remarkably brisk 5 or 6 knots, on a hugely incredibly long rope - seriously it was like 70m long. I was travelling upstream & almost passed his 2 giggling idiot towing mates before I saw him. On a dam somewhere, thats pretty funny. But in an insanely busy waterway with hundreds of halfwits going hell west & croocked? C'mon.

Thanks for the squillions you drop in our local economy.
Now go home it's going to rain all next week.


  1. They call it tourist season and you can't shoot any. Figure THAT out for me.

  2. If he had a Peter Siddle southern cross tattoo (as popularized on Cronulla Beach) across his back as well, I think you'd have been within your rights to mow him down with the prop set on Warp 9.

  3. Ah yes. We do what we can to keep away the idiots with jet skis, only to forget how easy it is to do incredibly foolish things with nothing more than a plastic tub and a piece of string.

    I'd advise against running such folks down though, the rope will foul your propeller.

  4. Me? I'd speed up and dump him in the water with the wash, then pull him over for swiming in the boat 'lane'

  5. hello there Nbob.
    Testing testing.

    Auntie Q.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Come in Aunty Q we are recieving you. You're a little scratchy, but we can hear you

  8. Grrrrrrrrr

    Reason I CANNOT FOR ANY REASON go to Noosa.

    And that includes all Melbergians who've moved up for reasons of "Lifestyle".

    Trouble is, we have to wait for them to DIE before they go away.

    All FKN tourists, except the

  9. The Bloke has a theory that the flag is only ever worn as a fashion statement by persons of questionable sanity and lamentable character.
    Don't you have bull sharks in that bloody river to eat the bastards?

    Anyway, this is why we have a pool and a spa in the back yard, so that there is no FKN reason to go anywhere and be assailed by the idiots in our midst. Well, there's still the neighbours of course and you can't shoot them, but I live in hope of a Darwin Award, coming soon, to a location close by.

    Quokka - still hating the humidity after 12 glorious days of being a good little tourist in Perth. Most of which time was spent going from unit, through carpark, to beach. Repeat x 12. Annoying nobody.
    Well, maybe the kids in the unit above me who I asked most respectfully to Shut The Fuck Up. Which, surprisingly, they did.



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I was the proud recipient of the worlds first monkeys ass to human face transplant. Friends of the donor monkey says it took well, I'm not so sure.