Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Making it worse?

Disclosure - I'm "a lover not a fighter" I haven’t been in a blue for almost 20 years and if possible I'd like to keep that trend. If that makes me chicksh!t, then so be it. I'm also a bit of a Dud when it comes to the protective intimidating father bit. I have a policy of not getting involved in the Bobette's dramas as I'll usually just make a minor thing much worse.

But there is a line over which one crosses at one's own risk.

If you don't know the details, click back to my Fathers Day post, last year my daughter saved my fathers life by giving him CPR until the Ambos got there and much to her distress they made her keep it up until they had lines in and done their basic set up stuff. I have had several Dr's & Nurses not just compliment her tenacity and persistence, but the quality of her CPR as his heart muscle was minimally scarred, so not only did she do it for a long-arsed period of time, on her own, but she did an excellent job. It still chokes me up a bit to think about it.

Last December she started saying "I don't want to talk about it anymore" OK, it's her trauma I'm not going to interfere. Then she said "Some of the people at the Surf Club don't believe I did it." When I asked who? she evaded, again it's her trip I'm not going to stick my big nose into it. Recently, she has decided that "everyone at the club hates me." Now this is a problem and I have tried to get to the bottom of it, but in my ham-fisted and clumsy way I haven’t got very far, but it greatly alarms me that she thinks this.

So on last Wednesday Night SWMBO and I are sitting on the back deck and it comes up again. I express my great concern that The Bobette feels this way. SWMBO then says "Well you know who is behind it don't you?"
"Mr. X" as if this is old news.
"Please tell me more."
"Apparently one day at training Mr. X said to a bunch of kids he was training that "There is no way The Bobette resuscitated her grandad, the Ambos did it. She is just cashing in on the glory".

Right. OK then. I start having some pretty unpleasant daydreams about how & when Mr X will get his. But I decide that the mature & adult way to approach this is to ask him of his perspective on this. Before I unload some consequences on him.

After the annual dinner on Saturday night I approached him and had only just started to ask him WTF when he gets up in my face and basically threatens me to "Drop it, drop it right Fkn now." I back pedal & disengage, I don't want a blue, particularly not here. So I retreat to "the Naughty Kids corner" for a smoke. I'm halfway through when SWMBO comes steaming out "we are leaving NOW." I am surprised but recognise That Tone, so head for the car. We are almost home when she tells me that Mr X had gone straight to her while I was out having a smoke and had abused her roundly in front of 20 other people.

Apparently I had breached her confidence by approaching him about it. But she appreciated me "sticking up for" The Bobette.

I want to F'k him up for the disrespect he has shown SWMBO & The Bobette. Without making it worse.


  1. My gut reaction would be to make him into a boat anchor, but that might not be productive. However the fucktard has to be called to account for slandering the kid. Has to.

  2. I don't advocate violence either, but I hate bullying and this guy sounds like a bully.

    So I would have it out with him. Pick a time and a place and then calmly explain the behaviour you expect from him. If he gets riled up, continue in a calm but uncompromising fashion. If he gets violent, break his legs.

    I had to do it with my father-in-law and we get on much better now he knows what I expect from him.


  3. Have it out with him but do so in a public area, the other way is to speak to other people and find out who else he's wronged and get together.

  4. Jesus, my blood is boiling for ya. Seriously. He can't get away with that.

  5. Rightio, so, still spitting tacks, and we discussed it as a family here. LOL

    Here's our plan:

    Go to the Ambo's and ask them if they'll write up a letter explaining what she did. Tell them why you need it. Then go to the President of the club - if this bloke isn't - and explain the situation and say you need this fella to read the letter in front of the club and you'll let it go.

    The kid is a hero and deserves the recognition.

    The missus wants to know if you want him "taken out". lol

  6. Getting in your face is one thing. Getting in the face of your wife is another thing entirely.

    You need to address this. Maybe not physically but at the next "club" meeting (I'm not sure what kind of club this is) you should ask him, whilst in a crowd, why he is so weak that he believes that it is appropriate to get in the face of a woman and that if he has anything to say he needs to see you. Keep goading him. Bullies will always back down (Wellll ... almost always ... be ready for the sucker punch). The key to this is to humiliate him. Publicly.

  7. Nbob, I had thoughts along the lines of Moko's, but then I stopped and thought 'No. You have nothing to defend. You do not need to justify yourself to fuckwits.'

    All the people that matter life know what happened.
    Your daughter knows this.
    I think its worth having one of those discussions about what is more important, the opinions of those who saw and were affected by what she did, or the opinions of a bunch of morons, led by some spiteful SOAB who likes to trash people behind their backs?

    I don't know about the rest of you, but the minute I hear someone start trashing someone down behind their backs, I automatically assume that the speaker has some serious problems with 1. Immaturity 2. Insecurity 3. Envy 4. Arrested development.

    I also automatically assume that anyone who believes someone with these sorts of personality traits is really, really gullible or else they too have some issues with envy and insecurity which make them the kind of people I really don't want in my inner sanctum of friends.

    Years ago I heard a psychologist speaking on the radio, who said that a very high percentage of the population never make it past the emotional age of 14. They stay there, in that bitchy 'he said she said' conquer and divide tribal mentality, never attaining emotional maturity.

    Mature adults just don't behave that way and I think it's worth pointing that out to your daughter - because one day she'll encounter them in the work force.
    I'd point out that the people trashing her are the ones with the problem and that unfortunately in this life she is going to encounter adults who have never matured into sensible human beings. i.e. Trolls and sociopaths.
    People who get their jollies from maligning others, lying, running smear campaigns, putting people down, and generally trying to tear holes in the social fabric of the community they've infiltrated.

    If it was me in your shoes - and Thank Dog it is not - I'd probably ask her how she's feeling, validate her feelings - and ask her what she'd like to do about it.

    She may have her own ideas about how she wants to approach it and while I like the letter from the ambos idea, it may backfire because with people like this, any response that you give them provides them with more ammunition to fuel another burst of spite.

    Unfortunately I have relatives like this, who like to run smear campaigns - and my counselor's advice at the time was just to hold my head high because I know what really happened and eventually liars and manipulators get found out and they are shunned by those they've lied to and played games with.

    The other thing I've learned when dealing with individuals like this is that, like trolls, you just don't feed them. You roll your eyes and learn to say things like 'Yes, I heard that he was saying that and I am not surprised he'd do that.'

    This sucks, but take a breath, step back, and think what you'd do if it was, let's say, a troll.

    I say this moron is setting you up to either have a fight or else to put you in a position where you do try to prove what your daughter did - in which case he will then start saying 'What a show off.'

    I think your daughter is amazing, FWIW.


  8. ...and once everyone goes home, beat his FKN skull in in the carpark...

  9. Aunty Q well said though Moko's Havock Towball option has it's merits.

  10. Thanks all.
    Esp the calming words.

    Both girls are of the "let it go, don't bring it up again." school and I have to give that some respect. The Club is very much their gig, I pitch in when & where I can, but have never really engaged - largely because so many of them are such grade A d!cks. F'kn Clubbies.

    Moko, thank your missus for me. But I have options, ah associates, patience and the best alibi in the world -appearing in a magistrates court in a work capacity.

  11. Of course, a brick through his window wouldn't hurt either... ;)

  12. Rhino San, your Kung Fu is mighty and I would never disrespect your mighty goring skills.
    However I think my One Step Removed status will prove most advantageous.

    The Club is the local branch of the Australian Icon Surf Lifesaving.
    They are all active patroling members I am lowly associate member.
    The politics and intrigues among factions and cliques are some of the least attractive parts of it. I deliberately avoid that sh!t like pollonium.
    It is the curse of the voluntary organisation; kids football, community theatre, apparantly even our hallowed Bush Fire Brigade has to take anyone who shows up. Wanker or otherwise.

  13. Vicious gossip smear campaigns work well for women. You should try it.

    Let the Bobette drop out of the club. You, meanwhile, drop casual hints to ALL the other kids' mothers that the Bobette HAD to leave due to the 'inappropriate' advances of Mr X. As Mr X DID advance on you and SWMBO in an inappropriate manner, you will not be lying.

    But if you refuse to give details to the other parents, they will ALL automatically assume that the inappropriate advances were something else entirely. Let's see if Mr X can bully his way out of that!

  14. Very few people believed Jessica could sail around the world either!
    Maybe Moko has a point, not the commit violence on his body bit, as attractive as that is, but get the letter from the Ambos, have it copied and framed with one in her room and a copy in the club.

  15. I suspect that anyone with a brain in the club is perfectly capable of noticing this man's character failings and there's no need for invention.

    Just on the revenge fantasy script, though, we live inner city and are often parked in by FKWIT backpackers and are unable to get out of the driveway.

    Invariably I call the council and beg, beseech and bewilder the staff until such time as a ticket inspector comes out and writes the FKR a $100 fine.
    They always make me give them the number plate.
    One day I was down there checking before I made the call and I noticed some had scrawled 'C#NT' across the back panel.

    Given the driver's personality I suspect it was written with a roofing screw that the author then punched into the back tyre.

    Just so you don't all go off thinking I'm entirely pro-pacifist.
    I do admire these moments of criminal creativity in others.

    Its just not an MO that works for me, I'm afraid.

  16. Aunty Q, I find propping a screw/nail on either side of the tire works well and if needed more than one tire.

  17. Bangar, I have dreams that go like this.

    Nbob, re: your Question about have the backpackers been acting up again, which I believe belongs in the category of 'Leprechaun Faff' - no.

    They have been strangely quiet since I persuaded the council boys to paint a yellow line across my driveway. Did you know that parking across a yellow line is a $100 fine?

    The Irish and their drunken little green friends have scored six of these fines (at least, these are the ones that I've phoned in) so I think they have a little less money to spend on green beer and ecstasy. They must be on a budget as the days of BBQ steak and lamb chops are over, and they've been eating sausages and boiled potatoes.

    Please picture me on my front porch, with my best Gladys Kravitz smile, looking serenely on as the Ticket Maggot goes about his business.

    Once I realized that complaining about the noise was futile, and I was onto a winning streak with council, I dobbed them in for not having enough bins, for the bins spilling over and attracting rats and dump ducks, for the broken glass when they tripped over the wheelie bins on the nature strip being a Hazard, and then for good measure I complained about the Drains.

    Council have told Team Landlord that they have X amount of time to get their bins off the street, forced them to pay for extra bins, and told them that they need to build a proper Bin Enclosure.

    The complaint about muck leaking out of the pipes worked even better.
    There've been two trucks from a plumbing company there all week working to reseal about 30m of cracked and collapsed clay pipes.

    Not that I'm done there.
    I've decided that next year, Casa Quokka would benefit from about 6 months worth of noisy, messy construction work. The end product will look like a Squash Court from the flats and if I get the design right it will block all the sun from their entertaining deck and the smoking deck.

    Roofing screws are for amateurs.

  18. Hmmm... Have you thought of a career in Politics, Quokka? You're a natural.

  19. Nbob,From Abigail

    I feel sorry for what this guy said given the seriousness of the circumstances but I can never condone violence; that is Far More Serious and does nothing to anyone except make you feel slightly better for three minutes before the emotional consequences begin. What if you confront him and he still "doesn't believe it" because he's just out to make trouble like the good troll he probably is? What then? What kind of person would say a thing like that except some troll/moron/someone not worth your bother?

    How about this? I believe you, everyone here believes you.Of course your daughter's quick action saved his life; the first ten minutes are crucial. Only an idiot doesn't see that.

    At some point you have to let it go and get stronger knowing you and those you care about *have* the truth--that takes strength and it builds further strength. What if 100 000 more "don't believe it" ; in fact refuse to believe it depsite being "knee capped"? what then? What if, right now, 1200 people have a very poor opinion of people you care about for no good reason? That's the world we live in; it's aggressive and slightly psycho. This guy could be psycho. Non attachment has a lot of class Best, Abigail.

  20. Abigail again
    I should have added...
    ...not that we don't all have murderous fantasies about people we perceive to be winning something for being total pricks. Those ones who seem to land on their feet, "get away with it"; I know all of the schadenfreude fantasy responses to that conundrum, having been there myself. But when you think about it, do arseholes like that really win? what prize does this guy win? a life time of being in his own skin surrounded by bogan dickheads at a surfclub, probably for the rest of their lives ; getting talked up by a few Aussie Aussie Ausie type-bogans celebrating the heights of mundanity and stupidity ? wow, what a life time that will be , huh?

  21. Abigail.
    Oops, I just came back and re-read your piece here Nb and seeing if you'd said more.

    I totally missed that this guy told **a bunch of kids**; I thought he'd told a drunken bogan maaaate, or your daughter, privately. Oh that really takes the biscuit.
    I'm with whoever it was suggested he needs to retract the statement in front of the kids. Unless he's a psycho, but if he's a trainer, clearly he is, then he's probably sane enough, just thoughtless and stupid; make him retract. I'm a pacifist, not an endlessly merciful human being, not with ill-founded public comments bordering on defamation.

  22. I like Moko's letter idea. Even if you never use it, it would be a grand thing for the Bobette to have in life's drearier moments. How many of us can say we've straight up, no kidding, saved a life? Equally, if the female contingent want to drop it, there's not much else you can do I guess. Though I'd be dreaming of painful public humiliations for Mr Xtrashite. Revenge is a dish best served cold.



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I was the proud recipient of the worlds first monkeys ass to human face transplant. Friends of the donor monkey says it took well, I'm not so sure.